Friday, November 03, 2006

Fuel for the fire

By Poker Jones

This is a textbook example of how guile, boundless intellect and superior penmanship rule the day.

Full Tilt $8.70 Tier One Turbo 16 remain

*** PREFLOP ***
hacker59 limps with [5h 5d] (normally I push with this hand from any position, but for the purposes of great deception, I decide to limp from the cutoff.)
Donkey BB checks

*** FLOP ***[2s 6c 7c]
Donkey BB checks (This shows me he's a weak-kneed troglodyte who did not get enough time at his mother's breast. I'm about to slowplay this monster and punish him unmercifully for his failure to thrive, but decide to mix it up and bet out.)
hacker59 bets 60
Donkey BB folds
hacker59 collected 120 from the pot

That will teach the donktard to fuck with me again.

No hand of poker any time, anywhere has ever been played better.

Full Tilt $.25/.50NL 6-handed

*** PREFLOP ***
Haplessasswipe1 raises $1.50
Haplessasswipe2 calls $1.50
hacker59 [5d 5c] calls $1 (I can't believe the first cretin had the nerve to raise my big blind. What blew me away is that someone else called his bet. Anyone who attempts such moves in the future should be summarily executed.)

*** FLOP ***[Qc 5h Jh] (This is where justice prevails. What is about to happen is predestined. It is my birthright.)
hacker59 checks (I had to scratch my balls at that particular moment and forgot to bet.)
Haplessasswipe1 checks
Haplessasswipe2 bets $4.75
hacker59 raises to $9.50 (I considered folding to show how merciful we Gods of Poker can be, but at the last moment decided to punish him for his mere presence on my Earth.)
Haplessasswipe1 folds
Haplessasswipe2 raises $44.25 all-in
hacker59 calls $16.25 all-in.
Uncalled bet of $22.75 returned to Haplessasswipe2

*** TURN ***[Qc 5h Jh] [7c]
*** RIVER ***[Qc 5h Jh] [7c] [Qd]
*** SHOWDOWN ***
hacker59 shows [5d 5s] (fives full of queens)
Haplessasswipe2 [Ad Qs] (three of a kind queens)
hacker59 collected $53.45 from the pot

Damn I'm good.
No. I'm the best. Ever.


Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

Not since Days and Nights of Iakaris have I laughed this hard reading a poker post.

12:53 AM  
Blogger katitude said...

very very funny stuff!

11:28 PM  
Blogger Joanne1111 said...

very, very amusing!

2:42 AM  
Blogger Fuel55 said...

I almost wet myself. Classic stuff for the poker blogger's museum.

12:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh that just made my day.... I always phear you in the blogger events... now seeing your thought process I think my phear's have been confirmed.

2:00 PM  
Blogger smokkee said...

you're a very sick individual. funny as as all hell tho.

7:09 PM  
Blogger DefendTheBlinds said...

It's tough to make poker funny.

I heh'd, though.

11:22 AM  

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